Confessions of a 29 year old...

OK, so for those of you who don't know me well enough to know this, I have some REAL anxiety about my next birthday. Not like the funny, make-a-joke kind of anxiety but the makes me hyperventilate a little, brings a tear to my eye kind. So, I have been trying to figure out the root of all of this before that dreadful day in July rolls around. I think that it's honestly the fact that I am not where I thought I would be. Please, spare me the marriage and baby sob story, it's not the big clock ticking. I never had a real plan but I feel like NOTHING is different in my life than it was when I was 22. Obviously, I don't have the marriage and kids, but I also don't have a real career, or I don't do a lot of traveling, nothing. So, that thought makes me think that maybe I am just stuck and can't remember all the differences so I am making a list of the things about my life RIGHT now. Here goes:

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE RIGHT NOW:

I LOVE living around Louise and Leigh. I love our family time and that I get to see them most everyday.
I LOVE that I make enough money to usually cover all the bills and can buy most anything that I want. (Usually being the operative word in that sentence)
I LOVE being a member of the University CoC.
I LOVE working with Faulkner football.
I LOVE that the last few years me and Daddy have gotten to go see so many Tennessee games. I LOVE this time together.
I LOVE my dvr. Shallow, possibly, but true none the less.
I LOVE sharing the 31 thing with my Mom. It's just fun to have something like that to do together.
I LOVE talking to Gin most mornings.
I LOVE getting to go to the Philippines with my grandparents every year. I LOVE going to the Philippines. AND, I LOVE getting to go with my grandparents.
I LOVE gummy vitamins


THINGS I HATE ABOUT MY LIFE RIGHT NOW:

I HATE working night shift and sleeping during the day.
I HATE the aforementioned birthday that is looming.
I HATE the shape I am in right now.
I HATE how busy I am.
I HATE that I never get to see any of my friends.
I HATE how many things I have to miss out on with my family and friends because of work.
I HATE the electrical system in our house.
I HATE going to school every Monday night and HOMEWORK!


THINGS I DREAD RIGHT NOW IN LIFE:

I DREAD moving from here and my family and my new niece or nephew. DREAD IT. I know I have to because I can't live the rest of my life just living here because of them but I DREAD it BIG TIME.
I DREAD changing careers, I know, again, that it's crazy but what I do has become a lot of who I am. Even though I hate the stress and the shift work, I love the family of emergency responders and the fact that I am doing something that actually makes a difference.
I DREAD moving to a new place. Here there are people that need me sometimes and I honestly love that. I hate the idea of moving somewhere alone where no one knows me, much less needs me.


MUSIC I AM LOVING RIGHT NOW:

I Need You Know by Lady Antebellum
My Best Days by Danny Gokey
History In the Making by Darius Rucker
American Honey by Lady Antebellum
Wrong Baby Wrong by Martina McBride
Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble
Whatcha Say by Jason DeRulo
I Pray Fro You by Jaron & the Long Road to Love
Smile by Uncle Kracker
Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You by Kellie Pickler


things that are ALWAYS in my kitchen now:

Maple and Brown Sugar Quaker Instant Oatmeal
Simply Lemonade with Raspberry
Simply Orange juice
Fuze Cranberry Raspberry
JollyTime 100 calorie bags of kettle corn
Smart Ones and Lean Cuisine meals
Progresso Light soup
FiberOne bars
Nature Valley bars
Thomas Multi Grain english muffins
Weight Watchers cream cheese
Skinny Cow desserts

MY TO-DO LIST FOR THE FUTURE:

Go back to the Philippines at least once every year
Go back to Greece
Go to Moscow, the Virgin Islands, Hawaii, Costa Rica, Australia, and about a million other places but those are off the top of my head. I'd also like to retrace one of Paul's missionary journey's.
Buy a house
Pay off my car and student loans
Have a job I love and pays plenty
Go on a vacation. A real, week long, don't have to get out of bed or put on anything besides a bathing suit kind of vacation.
Do yoga regularly
Go on a cruise with Leigh
Teach a high school girls Bible class
Have an organized house
Be a Tennessee season ticket holder
Go to an Olympics
I will be able to forgive and forget


Who knows how much of this will be different and/or accomplished in 5 years, to be honest, I can't remember a lot about how life was 5 years ago. Maybe though I'll be able to read this five years from now and remember what life was like now and be more appreciative of where I am then.

Tales from the Single Side part III...

...What A Girl Wants (feel free to teach your young boy children this!)

I read this article today, titled 'What Women Want From Men'. I'll give you the Cliff Notes version.

Women evidently want:
1. "Return Her Messages"
2. "Kiss Her for No reason"
3. "Dance With Her"
4. "Dress Up for Her"
5. "Remember Random Milestones"
6. "Take on an Activity With Her"
7. Propose a Visit to Her Family"
8. "It's the Little Things..."

I don't even know where to start with this! Maybe I am not the type "woman" this article is written about or maybe everybody is right (hold all comments similar to this though...because I will fight you on it!) and I am TOO PICKY (NO SUCH THING, but I guess that is just an opinion- even if it is RIGHT!) but these seem RIDICULOUS!

"Return her messages"??? If he has to be told this, odds are he has OTHER things he needs to learn before getting to "what a woman wants", you know like, "how to be a decent grown up human"

"Kiss her for no reason" Um, what are actual reasons TO kiss someone? And would you want to be with someone who has to be told TO kiss you?? Don't you want to be with someone that WANTS TO KISS you? Or is that just another CRAZY thing I want??

I do like "dress up for her" I know this is possibly crazy because I don't love to dress up and I am not asking for a guy to buy a tux and wear it everyday but I LIKE to see a suit on Sundays and I think dress pants and a button down shirt looks really nice on most guys. I can go with this one.

"Remember random milestones" and "take up an activity with her" are kind of to each their own. I kind of would like a guy to remember little details, not because it's what I want, but because it's important to him. And, I love the theatre, ballet, and the planetarium. Odds are, most guys won't love any of these but I don't want to drag him there. Just every once in a blue moon I would like him to take to one because he loves me and the world can every once in a blue moon just revolve around me. Again, I don't feel like he should have to read this in some article, I feel like he should want to make me happy every once in a blue moon. Crazy me with the high standards.

"Propose a visit to her family" bothers me the most. The article goes on to say that do this "even if you're not particularly fond of her busybody mother and father, suggesting a visit (EVEN JUST A YEARLY ONE)"... Are there women who really are willing to settle for this? I mean are there women who love their families who are willing to settle for this??? Good grief! I mean, even with all of their faults, if you can't love my family, there are too many things wrong with you to even warrant a second date! Second, a man has been hitting up that crazy crack pipe too much if he thinks I am visiting my family only once a year! Who does that? I can't even discuss this anymore without raising my blood pressure!

THESE are the things THIS woman wants in a man:

1. A Godly, Christian man who will help lead me to Heaven.

2. Someone who makes me laugh!! A lot!!

3. Someone who loves my family (and, really how could you not?)

4. A real man! Not someone scared of bugs or cats or that spends more time getting ready in the mornings than I do.

5. Someone who doesn't like to fight but won't let me run over them.

6. Someone who likes sports (and VERY PREFERABLY NOT an Alabama or Florida fan!)

7. Someone taller than me (I totally realize how petty this is...)

8. Someone bigger than me. (I don't even feel like I have to explain this one)

heartbreak

I had a real funny post to post today about something that I had read but then I was given some news that lead me in another direction.

I realized something today about heartbreak. It is almost always accompanied by shock. Think about it. Someone dies and the timing of it often shocks you. Someone in your family or circle of friends gets diagnosed with a serious disease and you are so shocked. Someone cheats on you or breaks up with or leaves you and you never would have believed it. Why is this? Why aren't we better prepared for heartbreaking things? OR why do the people we expect least hurt us the most? These are not questions I expect to be answered and I hope that you aren't looking for answers further down in this blog because I honestly don't know one besides to blame Satan.

Most of you who know me know that I have had my heart broken more than once by a boy. A couple of times left the most lasting scars though and these were the times that, still to this day, I have a hard time believing that they did the things they did. I can honestly say, I never saw either one coming. I am still in shock over those and, goodness knows, they have been a minute ago. In those cases, the shock has gone on much longer than the heartbreak did.

When mom had the stroke, I was first shocked and then the heartbreak set in. It was (and STILL IS) shocking to think of a perfectly healthy 45 year old who has never spent a non-chilbirthing day in a hospital as able to have a debilitating stroke. How could you NOT be shocked to see your perfectly-healthy-the-last-time-you-saw-her-mom suddenly laid up in the icu unit of a hospital unable to even speak or walk??? Who even had time to be heartbroken at first, shock consumed so much?!?!?!

Today I found out some very disturbing (seems inappropriate it so understates how I feel) news about some friends of mine. They evidently have had an affair. I just COULD NOT be anymore shocked!!! And there had even been rumors before and I STILL couldn't be more shocked. I would have put this man in the top of the Godly men I know. Such an evangelist!! And, she....I mean, not her! I just can not believe it. Neither one of them. I can't believe they would risk their a) SOULS, b)families, c)jobs/livelihoods, d)SO MANY strong friendships, d)their reputations- NO ONE had a better reputation throughout their respective brotherhood or community than these two! I just can't fathom it. To say I am in shock right now is the biggest understatement ever.

There really is no point to this blog besides for me to ramble "out loud" and to ask you all to please pray for these two people, their families, the Godly work they have been so involved in, and all who were hurt by them.

Fun weekend! Lokking forward to a fun week!

me and Ash at her going away luncheon on Friday. (note to self: find a better picture of self and Ashley!!!)

This weekend has been so fun! On Saturday I got up and went shopping with Leigh and Nathan and then we went out to eat at The Street cafe (YUM!) with Ashley and some of her friends. Ashley has been the best friend that wasn't bound to me by blood the past few years. She was the trainer for Faulkner football and the only girl to keep me sane in this office full of boys! She decided a while back that in order to fulfill her goal of being a full time missionary that she was going to need to go back to school to get her nursing degree. She then figured out that the only way to get that done was to do away with (as much as possible) all living/boarding expenses. So, the decision was made that she would "retire" from athletic training (and obviously Faulkner) and move back home to Indiana where there was a softball coaching position waiting on her and she could live at home for free. Then, she will begin nursing school full time. I am so amazed by her all the time but this is just one more amazing thing! I cannot imagine voluntarily turning my entire life upside down and not knowing really what the future holds! She is such an inspiration to me and, although I wish her the very best, I am just going to miss her like crazy (and probably go crazy since they are replacing her with ANOTHER boy!!!) The dinner was really fun but, obviously, very bittersweet. After dinner, we went home and got our guest bedroom put up and got the Christmas stuff at least moved into the guest bedroom. Next stop, all the way to it's rightful spot in the laundry room!! :)

After work Sunday morning I came home and got ready real quick and then went to Krispy Kreme and bought two dozen doughnuts. I was real early and went into our classroom and set up a coffee pot, and a water boiler, alone with some tea bags, hot chocolate packets, cups, sugar, creamer, etc. with Nathan's help. We just got a new Bible class teacher for the young professionals class at University and since then our class size has jumped from about twenty to about thirty-five! The teacher is Matt Vega from Jones School of Law and if you are in the area, I HAVE to suggest you come! You will see why our class is growing so! Since we have been having so many visitors and because we have just talked about it for so long, I just went out and purchased a cheap coffee pot and stuff so we could have it in that class room. Funny thing! I don't drink coffee and had NO idea how to make it! Obviously, everything but how many scoops to put in is pretty simple. Let's just say, 14 scoops is BY FAR too many! That coffee looked like syrup! HA!

Sunday for lunch Louise and Dirt, Michelle, Justin and Morgan, and Nathan all came over for lunch. We had chicken casserole, cheese potatoes, peas, mac and cheese, and rolls with homemade oreo ice cream for dessert! It was great food and even better company! After all but Nathan left we went were SO SO SO EXCITED for the USA vs Canada Olympic gold hockey game! I got dressed in red, white, and blue and we settled in, ready to celebrate! If you watched you know that at about 4:40p.m. CST, with about 24 seconds left in the game THE UNITED STATES SCORED TO TIE IT UP!!!!!!!! AWESOME! EXCEPT, University's church service starts at 5:00p.m.!!!!!!! After MUCH debate on whether to follow on our cell phones (we had the nursery!) or to avoid all contact with the outside world and watch it on tivo after services, we decided to do the latter! Let's just say, as much as we loved the nursery AND two of our favorite people were in there (Kensley and Morgan!) it was still a VERY LONG hour! But, at last we ran out and headed for home with Kensley, Jenn, and Fipps in tow! Fipps (Corey) is our Offensive Coordinator and we just LOVE that family! They have recently started coming to University regularly and we are just LOVING IT! They came over and watched the end of the game and the closing ceremonies with us! We were really bummed that we lost but a fun night was still had by all!

Needless to say, that after being up for 29ish hours I was pretty tired but I got started watching the new show, 'Marriage Ref' that came on after the closing ceremonies and IT OWNED ME! SO FUNNY and DEFINITELY making it to the regular scheduled programming for our house! While I am on the subjects of TV shows and fun things this week, I am SO, SO SUPER EXCITED about Jim and Pam having their baby this week!!!! (I know, I know, they are just TV characters but I just LOVE them!)

Late last night my parents made it in and they will be here all week along with NaNa and PaPa! I JUST LOVE Lectureship time! We are all about to go to lunch and then I am making dinner at my house tonight before class. After class, another coach, Chad and his girlfriend Macey are coming over to have a little Bachelor finale party! YAY! The rest of the week will be filled with regular old work and school but with all my family here to make it so much better! I am so excited and I hope that you all have as great a week as I am planning!