Thursday, January 14, 2010

Tales from the Single Side...Part 1

I am going to start a "series" on here called 'Tales from the Single Side'. I know that 99% of you that read these things aren't single and a lot haven't been for a while. And most of you never were single past 25. Things happen to people single over the age of 25, especially those that are members of the church of Christ and these things are just too outrageous/hilarious/ridiculous/irritating not to share.



First in this series is a "how to." Actually, It's a combination "How To/How NOT TO!"



HOT TO and HOW NOT TO set a single person up.



1. Just because YOU like a guy and YOU like a girl, IS NOT enough reason to think that THEY might like each other. Please think about what they like and makes them happy and not just why YOU like them and that they make YOU happy.


2. Just thinking that 2 people would make you and your husband's perfect "couple friends" DOES NOT make them a perfect match for each other!!



3. You know both people that you are trying to set up. Do they have things in common? And not just some stuff, most important stuff. Example: Most important like their faith, slightly less important: the things that mean the most important to them and how they spend most of their time: family, friends, extra curricular activities.

4. NEVER, EVER try to set someone up without their knowledge or tell them JUST AS ya'll are walking in to meet the person. I know, you WOULD think it would be common sense.

5. (this is going to be shocking for some of you, so be prepared) YOU ARE NOT "REALLY GOOD" AT SETTING PEOPLE UP!! You DON'T "have a gift", nor do you "have a really good track record" Sorry to be so blunt but, you aren't and one successful couple does not a "track record" make.


Personally I am flattered anytime someone wants to set me up with someone they love. It's amazing to think that you think enough of me to be willing to set me up with your brother, grandson, son, nephew, great-nephew, cousin, friend, friend of a second cousin twice removed, the guy that is your family mechanic, or the guy you met while waiting for the mechanic, ect. I know that my flattery sometimes comes off as irritation, but the truth is, I AM flattered. I just ask that you, PLEASE, give it just a little more thought next time. I ask this for all single people everywhere.

Here are some examples of people that others have thought were "perfect" for me that, indeed, were not:

(All names are withheld to protect the very, very guilty)

One lady, who bragged about her "track record" recently tried to set me up with a very nice man. A very nice man who is only five years older than I, but appears to be about fifteen. His interests are children (he is a teacher at an elementary school), music (music teacher), and he recently won a grant from the state to make puppets. He does this for fun. VERY nice man. Just to remind you all, I love "my children" but have very little patience for all the other ones in the world. I was fully prepared to give up my dream job because it required some teaching. The extent of my music interest goes about as far as the concerts I give in my car. Puppets freak me out and I love sports.

Another recent set up attempt was by my Grandma (whom I love but cannot accept that I am so very happy single). Her reasoning was that she knows he is a very strong Christian from her congregation and thought him very nice looking and he loves Tennessee football too (she was on the right path, but.....), unfortunately, he is, um, older. Like past child having years.

Some others were a crazy, REALLY wanted to get married NOW guy with a cat. Then there was the recent widower with two children. And let's not forget the Florida Gators fan. So many stories, so little time.

I do hope this post has been informative for you all. Please feel free to comment with any questions and look for the next installment of 'Tales From the Single Side': Things NOT to say to single people!

:) :) :) :) :)

11 comments:

Brooke Bailey said...

So I have this friend. He likes to crochet and goes to yoga class. I think you might dig him. He refuses to eat fried food. You would be perfect for him .....

Hicks Family said...

I don't know how I missed this when you posted it...but very funny and I will keep all the advice in mind. Actually, I will just let you do your own setting up!

Leslie A. said...

Laurie.......I know this really great guy I want to set you up with. Just let me know if you are interested!!! People get on my nerves trying to set everyone up. Just leave it alone and it will happen when it is supposed to!!

Louise said...

Would it still be considered trying to set you up if we just were going to have you at a get together and him and if you happen to talk and like each other, great, and if not, that's ok too???? I need to know.... :)
Can't wait until part 2!!!! ILU

Haley said...

oh laurie... these stories have always cracked me up! Especially the one about your grandmother.

Rebecca said...

You crack me up!

Patience Lawson said...

Laurie you crack me up! Your sense of sarcasm is still as strong today as it was back in 98'
I love it!

Rach said...

I guess I may be speaking from the 1%, so we ought to compare set ups for a good laugh.
Thanks for the post, it was funny. I can honestly say I know what you mean
Looking forward to more in the series

Bev said...

Hmmm....are we supposed to resemble the remark towards the end of your post about the Gator fans...sounds suspicious to me...

tleaf10 said...

Hey, I'm part of the 1% too! Are you telling me that people are just supposed to accept you as you and not you (that's not married or even dating anybody -GASP!). Hmmmm.

David and Andrea said...

I love the post, but do take offense to the Florida Gator comment :) Hope you are doing well! ~Andrea