Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Posted by LaurieR at 11:32 AM
Friday, February 13, 2009
Ever had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad....year?!?!?! Ok, maybe year is an exaggeration but it does seem that it has been just one crappy (sorry, Mom, I know I owe you a dollar!) thing after another for the past few months. Car dying, cut backs on my hours (hence my paycheck) at work, trouble sleeping, pain I can't seem to get over, what seems like 100 Dr's appointments and tests, and numerous other "troubles" that I won't go into on here, have really had me a little "weighed down" lately. Well, one of my very good friends from work sent me a "quick cure". She wrote at the top she wrote "Proverbs 17:22" and then attached the following. I know most of you haven't had near as many as me (if any...LUCKY!) but if you have ever had one, you will COMPLETELY relate to this. Unfortunately, I have one coming in the very near future but it still made me laugh so hard that I literally cried! I hope it brings a "quick cure" if you are having "a day" or ever "a year" too!
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenteritis, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a Prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug . This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to th e bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house. When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha," I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt exce llent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ. ABOUT THE WRITER Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
Posted by LaurieR at 8:58 AM
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
This is a copy of the letter that I sent out asking for support to help me go to the Philippines again in March. Please, read it and pray about it and pass it on if you know anyone else who might be interested in helping. Thanks so much!
Dear Family and Friends,
As most of you know, last summer I made, what I hope to be, the first of many missionary journeys to the Philippines. What a trip it was! I was involved with over 40 baptisms and taught over 1,000 precious children about God! Two of the girls that first heard about God in our Bible school followed up and have now been baptized! These people are the most warm, caring souls that you could ever hope to meet and are SO hungry to hear The Word! I left a piece of my heart back there, which is why I immediately started planning my return trip before I even left!
On the 23rd of March I will be leaving for another trip, and I literally feel like a kid waiting on Christmas! Again, I will be gone for two weeks, and again, I am in need of any help that you can give to me. For those who are not familiar with my trip last year, you can go to www.blogspot.com/laurierwalker and look in the archives to July of 2008 to read my blog where I wrote daily last trip. I will be doing the same this trip, Lord willing, on the same website.
Our trip takes about 30 hours by plane and then another 6 hours by van from Manila, where we fly in, to Dagupan, North Luzon, where we stay and work. The bulk of our work takes place with The Philippine Theological College (PTC), and this trip I will be able to attend their graduation ceremony! Six young men will be graduating with their AA’s. Since I left in July, the school has moved to the new campus and now has a very active Campus Church of Christ, averaging over 100 people on Sundays! This is a faithful, active congregation where there only an empty house stood just one year ago! Over 30 people have been baptized since opening the doors to this congregation, and it has since become a vital part of the community. This is an amazing work, and it would not be possible without help from people like you!
I love working with PTC and the Campus Church of Christ, but in all honesty it is not the “work” that I love the most and keeps me always wanting to be over there. The thing that keeps me saving, raising funds, accruing leave time at work, and making the long trip over there is the children. These children would crack even the hardest of hearts, and not just because of their detrimental physical states. These are the sweetest children you could ever hope to see! Even though they have absolutely nothing, they are always smiling, always excited to sing Bible songs, and always eager to learn whatever you are willing to teach them. If I had a dime for every time I said “I wish I could take one of them home with me”, I could easily afford to fund my own return trip!
These children and these people do have individual physical needs that need to be met, such as clothing, improved living conditions, medical supplies, Bibles, etc., but the other thing that they need, just as badly, are buildings to conduct worship in, teaching supplies, and, most importantly, people who are willing to teach them the Truth! For airfare, lodging, meals, and a translator, the trip will cost approximately $2,500 per person. A few congregations partially sponsor me, and I have personal savings that I built up over the year; however, I still need a lot of help from individuals to be able to go on this trip. That’s where you come in! This trip isn’t possible without your help! Many of you were very generous last year, and it still brings tears to my eyes to think about it! I wish each and every one of you were able to go, so you could see firsthand how far your giving goes!
I am not only soliciting your financial assistance, but also your prayers. Four members of my family make the trip, and I ask for your prayers for a successful & safe trip. Any amount that you can help with would be most appreciated and is most needed. Checks can be made out to the Quitman Church of Christ (their elders oversee this work), with notation made on the comment line “LRW Philippine Fund”, and sent to 1805 Hill Hedge Dr Montgomery, AL 36106. If you have any questions, please email me at: email@example.com, write me at the address listed above, or call me at 334-430-8668. Thank you in advance for any help that you can give me and most importantly: your prayers.
In Christian Love,
Posted by LaurieR at 3:30 PM
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I'm having one. Nothing terribly serious and certainly there are about one million names that I should be requesting prayers for instead of myself so, it's evidently a selfish day on top of poopy. But, I'm thinking that if my name is lifted in a few prayers it will make getting through it a little easier. Thanks in advance and I hope your day is going MUCH better than mine!
Posted by LaurieR at 9:48 AM